The White House Announced That President Obama

After A Six-year Battle, The Senate Will Vote Next Week To Begin Construction On The Keystone Xl Pipeline, Which Is An Oil Pipeline That Runs From Canada To The Gulf Coast. They're Hoping The Pipeline Will Provide Enough Oil To Cover Kim Kardashian's Next Photo Shoot.

On Tuesday, Utah Candidate Mia Love Became The First Black Republican Woman Elected To Congress. She's Also A Mormon. Yeah, A Black Female Republican Mormon. Even Unicorns Are Saying, 'not Buyin' It.'

President Obama Had Beer With Four Unemployed Construction Workers. And Obama Asked The Guys What Was It Like To Lose Their Jobs, And They Were Like, 'oh, You'll See.'

Apparently, The Obamas Chose New York City Because They've Gotten So Used To People Trying To Break Into Their House.

Director Ken Burns Revealed That His Next Documentary Is About Franklin Roosevelt, And It's Fourteen Hours Long...which Sounds Like Too Much, Until You Realize There's Been Over Thirty Hours Of Tv Dedicated To Honey Boo Boo.