A Matador Is A Guy Who Didn't

You're Thinking I'm One Of Those Wise-ass California Vegetarians Who Is Going To Tell You That Eating A Few Strips Of Bacon Is Bad For Your Health. I'm Not. I Say Its A Free Country And You Should Be Able To Kill Yourself At Any Rate You Choose, As Long As Your Cold Dead Body Is Not Blocking My Driveway.

Am I Getting Smart With You? How Would You Know?

Boss: I Just Heard That Light Travels Faster Than Sound. I'm Wondering If I Should Shout When I Speak, Just So My Lips Appear To Sync-up With My Words.

Dilbert: I'm Obsessed With Inventing A Perpetual Motion Machine. Most Scientists Think It's Impossible, But I Have Something They Don't. Dogbert: A Lot Of Spare Time? Dilbert: Exactly.

I Was Surprised To Learn That Doing Household Chores Qualifies As Romantic For Most Of You [women]. That's Exactly Why You Should Never Hire A Butler If You Strike It Rich - The Minute That Jeeves Starts Unloading The Dishwasher Without Being Asked, Your Wife Is Going To Start Humping His Leg.