You Say You're Sick And Tired Of

I Never See The Glass Half Empty Because I Drink Out The Bottle

I Care Passionately About Equal Rights [and] Animal Rights.

Quick Decision Makers Are Often Stuck Behind Annoying People In Line At Starbucks.

You Know, It's Hard Work To Write A Book. I Can't Tell You How Many Times I Really Get Going On An Idea, Then My Quill Breaks. Or I Spill Ink All Over My Writing Tunic.

The Only Thing I Really Recommend, If You're Starting Out In Stand-up Is To Not Try To Copy Anybody Else. You Can Be Influenced By People. I Was Influenced By Steve Martin And Bob Newhart And Woody Allen, But I Never Tried To Be Someone Else. I Always Tried To Be Myself. And The Reason People Are Successful Is They're Unique.