You Look At My Audience, And It

Republicans Have Nothing But Bad Ideas And Democrats Have No Ideas.

I Can Pretty Much Guarantee That If I Do A Show In A Comedy Club, There Will Be Someone Who Will Come Out Of The Audience And Tell Me The Worst Joke Ever. It's Just A Guarantee.

In Vegas, You Have An Audience You Can't Find Anywhere Else. It's From All Over The Country. You Play Seattle, Everyone's From Seattle. But In Vegas, You Have Six From Seattle, A Bunch From L.a., Some Local Las Vegans And Maybe A Farmer From Iowa. In Vegas, You Learn The Ins And Outs Of Holding A Room Because Of That Great Spectrum Of Folks.

Everybody's Always Asking Me About My Blood Pressure. They Did An Interview Once Where They Hooked Me Up To A Blood Pressure Machine And They'd Rile Me. I'd Yell And Scream, And Then It Would Just Go Back To Normal In A Few Minutes. Everything Else Is Probably Rotting, But The Blood Pressure Is Spectacular.

Every Other Civilized Country Has Determined When Life Begins And It's Something That Eludes Us. We've Got Things That Have To Be Done! "we Didn't Fix That Bridge Because You Are All Down At The Meeting House Discussing Abortion Again."