You Listen To Any Monologue On Late-night

If You're In A Position Where You Can Help Other People, There Is Nothing Better In Life Than Helping Other People. Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody!

It Feels Good. Kinda Like When You Have To Shut Your Computer Down, Just Sometimes When It Goes Crazy, You Just Shut It Down And When You Turn It On, It's Okay Again. That's What Meditation Is To Me.

No Matter How Popular You Are As A Stand-up - You Can Go Out And Fill A 10,000-seat Arena And Be Smart And Funny - It's Delicate To Host An Awards Show And Know Where Your Place Is And Know That It's Not About You, That It's About The People Who Are Nominated, And Respect That, But At The Same Time Have Your Moment To Show Them Who You Are.

When We Were Growing Up Our Parents Somehow Made It Clear That Being Famous Was Good. And I Mistakenly Thought That If I Was Famous Then Everyone Would Love Me.

I've Moved About 10 Times Over The Past 15 Years. I Don't Move For The Sole Purpose Of Getting Rid Of Stuff. I'm Not Crazy. I Also Move So That I Never Have To Wash Any Windows.