You Instinctively Know That Nothing Will Ever

It's Weird, I Was Such A Survivor And So Wanted To Be A Part Of Life While I Was Trying To Snuff Out The Life That Was Inside Of Me. I Had This Duality Of Trying To Kill Myself With Drugs, Then Eating Really Good Food And Exercising And Going Swimming And Trying To Be A Part Of Life. I Was Always Going Back And Forth On Some Level.

I Stopped Hating And Started Just Being. My Whole Life, I Had Been The Most Defensive Person You'd Meet, Unable To Tolerate Any Criticism. But Now I Started Listening And Being.

When You Start Putting Pen To Paper, You See A Side Of Your Personal Truth That Doesn't Otherwise Reveal Itself In Conversation Or Thought.

I Was Starting To Come To Grips With The Fact That I Had Created A Lot Of Pain And Suffering Around Me, Not Just Within Me.

...for The First Time In My Life, A Voice Went Off In My Head:'you Have No Power Over What Happens In Your Life. Drugs Dictate Exactly What You're Going To Do. You've Taken Your Hands Off The Steering Wheel, And You're Going Wherever The Drug World Takes You.' That Had Never Changed. The Feeling Would Well Up Inside Of Me, And No Matter How Much I Loved My Girl Or My Band Or My Friends Or My Family, When That Siren Song 'go Get High Now' Started Playing In My Head, I Was Off.