...you Could Have Knocked Me Over With

Some Days, I'd Feel Better With Punxsutawney Phil In The Oval Office - At Least He Doesn't Lie About The Weather.

If You Really Wanted To Settle Down The Middle East, If What You Wanted Was Change In The Middle East, It Is Perfectly Obvious That The First Step Is Resolving The Israeli/palestinian Conflict.

I Learned Two Things Growing Up In Texas. 1: God Loves You, And You're Going To Burn In Hell Forever. 2: Sex Is The Dirtiest And Most Dangerous Thing You Can Possibly Do, So Save It For Someone You Love.

There Are Two Kinds Of Humor. One Kind That Makes Us Chuckle About Our Foibles And Our Shared Humanity -- Like What Garrison Keillor Does. The Other Kind Holds People Up To Public Contempt And Ridicule -- That's What I Do. Satire Is Traditionally The Weapon Of The Powerless Against The Powerful. I Only Aim At The Powerful. When Satire Is Aimed At The Powerless, It Is Not Only Cruel -- It's Vulgar.

So Keep Fightin' For Freedom And Justice, Beloveds, But Don't You Forget To Have Fun Doin' It. Lord, Let Your Laughter Ring Forth. Be Outrageous, Ridicule The Fraidy-cats, Rejoice In All The Oddities That Freedom Can Produce.