Women In Bed Are Like Diesel Engines.

Nothing In Life Prepares You To Be Famous.

Being A Comedian, People Tell Me Stuff They Shouldn't Tell Their Therapist.

That's Just Something Instinctual Within Men. We Always Feel Like We've Got To Protect Our Stuff. Even If It's Not Worth Protecting, We Want To Protect It. You Ever Seen People Who Have Like A Piece Of Crap Pinto With A Club On The Steering Wheel. Somebody Breaks The Window, Steals The Club, Leaves The Pinto In A Pile Of Glass.

Have You Ever Seen People So Ugly That You Have To Get Someone Else To Verify It?

You Might Be A Redneck If The Highlight Of Your Parties Is When You Flip Out Your False Teeth.