Why Does Anyone Commit Murder?' He Asked

You Know What You Sound Like? A Jealous Girl Friend. And How Are Things On Planet You Wish?

This Was Very Exciting. I'd Never Had Two Boys Get Into A Fight Over Me Before. The Fact That One Of The Boys Was My Stepbrother, However, And Held About As Much Romantic Appeal For Me As Max, The Family Dog, Somewhat Dampened My Enthusiasm. And Michael Wasn't Much Of A Catch, Either, When You Actually Thought About It, Being A Potential Murderer And All. Oh, Why Did I Have To Have Such A Couple Of Losers Fighting Over Me? Why Couldn't Matt Damon And Ben Affleck Fight Over Me? Now That Would Be Truly Excellent.

Jesse, This Is Craig. Craig, Jesse. You Two Should Get Along. Jesse's Dead, Too.

It’s My Own Fault, Really. For Believing In Fairy Tales. Not That I Ever Mistook Them For Actual Historical Fact, Or Anything. But I Did Grow Up Believing That For Every Girl, There’s A Prince Out There Somewhere. All She Has To Do Is Find Him. Then It’s On With The Happily Ever After. So You Can Only Imagine What Happened When I Found Out. That My Prince Really Is One. A Prince. No, I Really Mean It. He’s An Actual Prince.

My Shoulders Sagged. Really, Is It Too Much To Ask That I Be Able To Come Home From A Long Day Of Work And Relax? Oh, No. I Have To Come Home And Read A Bunch Of Letters Written To The Love Of My Life By His Fiancée, Who, If I Am Correct, Had Him Killed A Hundred And Fifty Years Ago. Then, As If That Is Not Bad Enough, He Wants Me To Explain The Vietnam War.