Whenever I Get Down About Life Going

You Know, Before I Would Think, My Cab Driver Hates Me. Now I Think My Limo Driver Hates Me.

For The Sake Of Your Marriage, Get A King-size Bed. And If You Really Want To Stay Married, Get Two.

I Have This Mistress: Show Business.

Everyone Should Have Kids. They Are The Greatest Joy In The World. But They Are Also Terrorists. You'll Realize This As Soon As They Are Born And They Start Using Sleep Deprivation To Break You.

When You Go To Standup, There Seems To Be A Common Denominator Of Some Form Of Need Or Want For Validation From The Audience That Maybe You Were Lacking As A Kid.