When You Have Kids, There's No Such

When You Meet Somebody For The First Time, You're Not Meeting Them. You're Meeting Their Representative.

I've Told Michael Jackson Jokes. If You Got Really Technical, You Could Say Those Are Jokes About Child Molestation. You Could, If You Got Technical. A Lot Of This Is Just Selective Outrage Because Honestly, The Audience Are The Ones That Tell Us That Something Shouldn't Be Spoken. The Audience Lets Us Know. And I've Never, In My Almost 30 Years Of Being A Comedian, Seen A Comedian Continue To Tell A Joke That The Audience Doesn't Respond To. I've Never Seen It.

Kids Always Act Up The Most Before They Go To Sleep. And When I See The Tea Party And All This Stuff, It Actually Feels Like Racism’s Almost Over. Because This Is The Last - This Is The Act Up Before The Sleep. They’re Going Crazy. They’re Insane. You Want To Get Rid Of Them - And The Next Thing You Know, They’re Fucking Knocked Out. And That’s What’s Going On In The Country Right Now.

All People Naturally Hate. My Kid Bites People Now. I Didn't Teach My Kid To Bite Anybody. Kids Say Mean Stuff. Only Through Love Do We Get This Evil Out Of Them. Only Through Love And Structure And Discipline Do They Not Hate. The Kids That Hate Didn't Learn Anything, That's The Problem.

Hollywood's Just Not Funny.