When You Get Older You Have To

Don't You Hate It When...your Suitcase Is The Last One Off The Airplane?

Let's Face It, Though, Anything That's Apt To Happen To An Appliance Like A Blender Isn't Covered By The Warranty Anyway, So I Never Send Them In. If It Breaks, I'll Buy A New One. That's The American Way.

Creativity Is A By-product Of Hard Work. If I Never Have Another Really New Idea, It Won't Matter.

Have You Noticed That They Put Advertisements In With Your Bills Now? Like Bills Aren't Distasteful Enough, They Have To Stuff Junk Mail In There With Them. I Get Back At Them. I Put Garbage In With My Check When I Mail It In. Coffee Grinds, Banana Peels...i Write, "could You Throw This Away For Me?"

My Mother Always Called Me 'sturdy' And Said I Have Big Bones. A Little Fat Is What I Am.