When You Die At 72, No Matter

If You Told Me Two Years I Would Miss The Greatest Basketball Game Ever To Hang Out With Nathan Lane, I'd Say, 'you're Crazy!'

Every Man Has To Settle Down Eventually. You Know Why You Gotta Settle Down Eventually? Because You Don't Want To Be The Old Guy In The Club. You Know What I'm Talking About. Every Club You Go Into, There's Always Some Old Guy. He Ain't Really Old, Just A Little Too Old To Be In The Club.

You Can Never Make A Woman Happy, It's Impossible. I've Never Met A Happy Woman In My Life. They're Always Complaining About Something.

I Never Wanted To Churn It Out. Comedians Tend To Work All The Time. They Never Put It Down Like Musicians Who Might Make An Album Then Take Three Or Four Years Off To Recharge Their Batteries. Comedians Tend To Work Straight Through And They Get Stale Because Of That. Even When I Didn't Have A Lot Of Money I Never Ever Did It Unless I Had Something New To Say.

Before I Was A Comedian, I Thought The Coolest Thing That Would Happen To Me Was Being A Teenager... Boy, Was I Wrong!