When We Die, We Will Turn Into

Every American Wants A Clean Slate, But Nobody Wants To Lose What They've Got.

But Mtv Relishes Its Vestigial Role As A Star Maker, So Every Year It Puts All Its Clout Into Making The Vmas The Biggest, Splashiest, Loudest Show-biz Extravaganza Of The Year, Honoring All This Music For Existing, After A Year Of Paying Barely Any Attention To It.

Baseball's Opening Day Is Full Of Time-honored Traditions: The President Throws Out The First Ball, The Cubs' Starting Pitcher Walks Away With A 54.00 Era, The Royals Get Mathematically Eliminated From The Pennant Race.

Davy Jones Was The Grooviest Of The Monkees, Which Makes Him One Of The Grooviest Pop Stars Who Ever Existed. He Was The Best Dancer In The Monkees, The Cute One, The One With The Coy English Accent, The Bowl-cut Boy-child Who Shook Those Cherry-red Maracas And Always Got The Girl. He Was Also The Guy Who Stole David Bowie's Original Name.

You Know The Prince Song Where The Girl's Phone Rings But She Tells Him, "whoever's Calling Couldn't Be As Cute As You?" I Long To Live Out This Moment In Real Life.