When I Hear Young People Today Complain

I Was Drinking A Lot Of Bourbon. I Was Miserable. I Was Starting To Get Work, But It Wasn't Remotely Satisfying. It Was Garbage Compared To The Theater I Was Doing.

Once You Have A Phd, Every Meeting You Go To Becomes A Doctor's Appointment.

I Learned As A Young Man That I Don't Write Jokes, But That I Can Deliver More Mundane Material And Get A Laugh. I Call Myself A Humorist.

I Have A Very Healthy Growth Of Both Head And Facial Hair. People Always Want To Attribute Further Superhuman Powers To Me. It's Funny The Way The Audience Really Seems To Want Me, Nick The Actor, To Exhibit The Same Machismo As Ron Swanson.

The Quest For The Next Key Art Awards Begins With Tomorrow's Hangover