When I Black Out, It's The Happiest

I Have Gay Friends, I Support Gay Rights, I Have Nothing Against The Gay Community, But When I See Two Guys Kissing, I Think It's Gross. And, By The Way, It's Gross When 99% Of Straight People Do It, Too.

My Mother Would Say, Before I Left The House, 'remember Art, Hugs Are Better Than Drugs.' And I Believed My Mother, I Believed Everything She Said - Until The First Time I Got High At A Party. I Leaned Back, And I Went, 'god, This Is Way Better Than When My Uncle Perry Hugs Me. What Else Has My Mother Been Lying To Me About?

It's Good To Be Alive.

But I Live An Interesting Life And I Can Tell A Pretty Good Story And It Has Helped My Career. But The Downside Is People Know Everything.

I've Never Been Swimming, And That's Because It's Never Been More Than Half An Hour Since I Last Ate.