What's The Two Things They Tell You

I Keep Getting These People At My Shows Who Only Know Me From Television. I Can Always Tell When They're, Like, Emotionally Flinching When I Start Doing My Jokes.

When I First Saw A Strap On, I Put It On My Head And Ran Around Like A Rhino.

When I Was A Kid, I Really Loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.

I Went Skiing Today, Too, Yeah. I Didn't Wanna Go. The Girl I'm Stalking Wanted To Go, So... I'm Not Kiddin!

For Me, Molly Hatchet Is High School. It Makes Me Feel Like I Have Hair And A Future.