Well, Everyone, Welcome To Shark Week. Oh

Look, There Is Nothing You Can Say About This Show That I Don't Already Know

Here In California, We Passed A Law Against Texting While Driving. But There's No Law Preventing You From Writing A Letter While Driving.

Some People Take The Spelling Bee Very Seriously. These People Are Called "parents Of Children In The Spelling Bee." They're Trying To Make Up For Their Own Childhood Of Crushed Dreams And Misspelled Words.

You Know, Where I Come From, An Antique, To Be Called An Antique, It Has To Be At Least A Hundred Years Old. That's A Law: Before You Can Call Something An Antique, It Has To Be A Hundred Years Old. In L.a., Something That's Been Around For A Couple Of Weeks Is An Antique. It's True! People Are Like, Look At This Old-fashioned Ipod. Look At This! It's The Size Of A Man's Hand! Ha Ha Ha Ha. Back Then-back Then, People Thought Mel Gibson Was Just Acting Crazy. It Was A Very Different Time.

Harry Potter, He Sends A Message On Owl Mail While Us Poor Old Muggles Have To Make Do With Instantaneous Emails And Texting. Oh, If Only We Could Be Like You Harry Potter, With Your Four Day Owl Delivery!