Wake Me Up When I'm A Size

I Can't Tell My Conscience From My Insecurities.

I Have An Office In My House And One About Five Minutes From My House. I Worked Solely Out Of My House For Many Years, But Find, With Children, That I Have To Be In A Different Zip Code To Think.

All Parents Believe Their Children Can Do The Impossible. They Thought It The Minute We Were Born, And No Matter How Hard We've Tried To Prove Them Wrong, They All Think It About Us Now. And The Really Annoying Thing Is, They're Probably Right.

I've Found It's Better To Talk To The Machine And Hang Up If I Get The Person.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Squirt Someone In The Eye.