Twenty-two Astronauts Were Born In Ohio. What

We All Know Why [the Generals] Are So Critical Of The Defense Secretary. They're Being Defensive Because They Weren't Able To Implement His Brilliant Plan [on Screen: Operation 'greet Us As Liberators']. It Was So Simple: Go In With 100,000 Troops, Topple The Regime, Everybody Loves Us, And We Leave By Easter 2003. These Ex-military Men Have Their Right To Their Opinions, That's Fine. They Just Shouldn't Voice Them During A War [on Screen: 'loose Lips Sink Approval Ratings']

John Boehner Chose A Huge Gavel. I Think Somebody's Compensating For His Small Government.

You Have To Have A Passionate Opinion; Otherwise You Sound False. You End Up Telling The Audience Jokes They've Already Heard.

Atheism: The Religion Devoted To The Worship Of One's Own Smug Sense Of Superiority.

My Brother Billy Was The Joke Teller. My Brother Jim Had A Really Sharp, Cutting Wit. And The Teller Of Long Stories, That Was My Brother Ed. As A Child, I Just Absorbed Everything They Said, And I Was Always In Competition For The Laughs.