Today Is Tax Day. A Lot Of

I Got A Call From My Mom Today, She Says, 'well, David, I See You Didn't Get The 'tonight Show' Again.'

It Was So Cold In New York City Today That The Statue Of Liberty Had Her Torch Under Her Dress.

We Have Defeated Saddam Hussein And Iraq. The Good News Is Iraq Is Ours, And The Bad News Is Iraq Is Ours.

The Night Before The Olympics Opening Ceremony, My Son, Who Is Eight Years Old, Gets Very Excited And Likes To Put Out A Plate Of Cookies And Some Milk For Bob Costas.

Now There Are Reports That Osama Bin Laden Would Like To Commit Suicide On Television. This Is The Kind Of Lead-in I Have Been Praying For Every Since I Came To Cbs. Bin Laden Is Planning A Televised Suicide Or, As I Call It, Hosting The Academy Awards.