[...] Things Most People Do Naturally Are

I Think People Fetishize Glasses In General. You Could Put Glasses On A Rotting Pumpkin And People Would Think It Was Sexy.

There Are A Couple Of Things I Want To Impart To Ladies Who Want To Be In Comedy: One, You Don’t Have To Be Weird Or Be Quirky To Get Your Job Done. And Two, Comedy Skill Is Not Sexually Transmittable. You Do Not Have To Sleep With A Comedian To Learn What You’re Doing. Male Comedians Will Not Like That Advice, But It Is The Truth.

The Comedy For The Democrats Is That They're Showing Off Too Much. They Need To Be Putting A Boring White Guy Out There To Kind Of Get A Hold Of Things. Once The Boring White Guy Is Out There, Then You Bust Out The Junior Senator From Illinois Who Smokes And Does Cocaine.

Acting Is Really About Showing Up That Day And Telling The Writers What You Feel Like Saying.

Ladies Gotta Say No To Their Husbands At The Movies. They Gotta Say: "no, We Are Watching Back-to-back Cancer Movies. And Then This Movie About A Cat."