These Days Most Women Have Jobs That

So, Twice A Week, I Go To A Beauty Salon And Have My Hair Blown Dry. It’s Cheaper By Far Than Psychoanalysis, And Much More Uplifting.

Everybody Dies. There’s Nothing You Can Do About It. Whether Or Not You Eat Six Almonds A Day. Whether Or Not You Believe In God. (although There’s No Question A Belief In God Would Come In Handy. It Would Be Great To Think There’s A Plan, And That Everything Happens For A Reason. I Don’t Happen To Believe That. And Every Time One Of My Friends Says To Me, “everything Happens For A Reason,” I Would Like To Smack Her.)

The Big Cities Of America Are Becoming Third World Countries.

When You Slip On A Banana Peel, People Laugh At You. But When You Tell People You Slipped On A Banana Peel, It's Your Laugh.

My Mother Wanted Us To Understand That The Tragedies Of Your Life One Day Have The Potential To Be Comic Stories The Next.