I Don't Do Emoticons Unless I'm Making

I Don't Really Think Of My Essays As Being About Myself. I Know It Sounds Insane, But I Just Don't Think Of Them As A Memoir. They're Essays; They're Not An Autobiography.

I Thought Of A High School Report I Did On The Belgian Artist Rene Magritte And A Quote I Once Read From Him, Something About His Favorite Walk Being The One He Took Around His Own Bedroom. He Said That He Never Understood The Need For People To Travel Because All The Poetry And Perspective You're Ever Going To Get You Already Posses. Anais Nin Had The Same Idea. We See The World As We Are. So If It's The Same Brain We Bring With Us Every Time We Open Our Eyes, What's The Difference If We're Looking At An Island Cove Or A Pocket Watch?

Okay, This Is Fran Lebowitz. She Gave An Interview Once For The Paris Review About Trying To Write Fiction And Saying That Fiction Writers Start Talking About How Characters Are Talking To Them, And It's Crazy, She's Never Had That. And I Also Thought, I'm Never Gonna Be Able To Do This, Because I Didn't Feel That For A Really Long Time.

We All Deserve To Be Congratulated, But Sadly That Would Mean There's No One Left To Do The Congratulating.

Are There Moments When I See Unrequited Crushes Or Ex-boyfriends Slow Dancing With Their Dates And Kind Of Want To Stab Myself In The Spleen With A Salad Fork? Yeah, Sure.