There Are Certain Relationships I Think I'm

[on Not Reading Newspapers:] If Something Important Happens, Your Mother Calls You.

Because I Was Young, I Had This Long Hair, And People Used To Try To Tip Me With Joints.

Writers Get Exactly The Right Amount Of Fame: Just Enough To Get A Good Table In A Restaurant But Not Enough So That People Are Constantly Interrupting You While You're Eating Dinner.

I Write So Slowly, I Could Write With My Own Blood And Not Hurt Myself.

Breakfast Cereals That Come In The Same Colors As Polyester Leisure Suits Make Oversleeping A Virtue.