The Way I Understand It, The Russians

Cell Phones Are Like A Dog's Nipples... You Don't Have To Shout Into Them!

For Some Reason, Religious Jokes Seem As Trivial As Jokes About Food Or Driving.

I Started Doing Stand-up At The Age Of 20. This Was Back In 1976, Around The Time (coincidence?) That The First Comedy Clubs Were Starting. The Young Comedians Of Today Gasp When I Tell Them How Many Shows I Did That First Year: 500. Five Nights A Week.

The Battle Of The Sexes Will Never Be Won As Long As We Keep Sleeping With The Enemy.

You Don't Appreciate A Lot Of Stuff In School Until You Get Older. Little Things Like Being Spanked Every Day By A Middle-aged Woman: Stuff You Pay Good Money For In Later Life.