The Truth Is Libraries Are Raucous Clubhouses

President Obama Could Keep A Big Map With Push Pins On It To Keep Track Of How Many Countries Hate Us, And When We Get Down To Only Half, Let's Have A Ball. I'll Blow Up The Balloons Myself.

I Got My Dog Three Years Ago Because I Was Drunk In A Pet Store. We Had Nine Cats At The Time. The Cats Started Hiding The Alcohol After That.

I Have Jokes I've Told Before And Will Tell Again, But My Favorite Part Of The Night Is Talking To The Crowd.

Can You Remember When You Didn't Want To Sleep? Isn't It Inconceivable? I Guess The Definition Of Adulthood Is That You Want To Sleep.

Adults Are Always Asking Little Kids What They Want To Be When They Grow Up Because They're Looking For Ideas