The Trouble With The Jokes Is That

Well China, You Got Us. Phelps Was Doping - And He Still Beat You. He Smoked The Sticky-icky, And Then He Smoked Your Ass!

Used Books Are The Sluts Of The Literary World. Passed Around From Person To Person, Spreading Their Pages For Anyone, Getting Cheaper And Cheaper Until Eventually They End Up In Prison.

And My Daughter Said, 'why Are You Yelling At Us?' And I Said, 'i'm Trying To Discipline You!' And Then She Looked Up At Me With Her Tear-stained Eyes And Said, 'this Is How You Teach Children, By Making Them Cry.' And It Was Such A Clenching Reminder - She Won Not Only The Argument, But She Won Life With That Statement. I Just Burst Out Laughing, And I Think They Were So Surprised That I Burst Out Laughing, That They Did Too.

I Tell A Lot Of Young Performers, 'go Get In Trouble. Go Commit Yourself To Something You're Not Sure You Can Do.' And I Followed My Own Advice.

Forgot To Live-tweet The Election Last Night, So I'm Post-tweeting Today. I'll Start As Soon As My Fingers Unclench From Their Rage Fists.