The Trend Now Is To Get Away

People Who Get Implants, It's So Depressing, You Know... People - I Don't Know. The Route Of That, You Know, Maybe They Want More Love Or Attention, Or What It Is, But They Always Go For The Most Obvious Place, You Know? Here... Well If You Really Want More Attention, Why Not Get Them In Your Eyes? And Then Move Your Eyes Down To Where Your Nipples Used To Be, Put Your Breasts Up On Your Head, Everybody Will Pay Attention!

Irish People Give Big Hellos And Very Little Goodbyes. Unless They're Female, And Then They Spend Five Hours Talking In The Doorway To The Person That's Leaving Their House.

The Characters Can't Be Wittier Than People Are In Real Life. They Have To Be Character Witty.

I Was Lucky In The Sense That I Was Never Blessed With An Overly Reflective Nature.

I Really Can't Describe What My Stand-up Is Like - People See It And They Say It's Like That, Or It's Like This, And That's Really Up To Them, That's Fine, But I Don't Sit Around All Day Analysing It. I Just Try And Enjoy A Show And Interest Myself Because If I Don't Do That Then I Won't Interest Anybody Else.