The The Tabloids Are Always Going To

No Offense, But If You Want To Be With My Niece, You Should Think About Getting A Haircut. My Mother Is Very Conservative.” “no Offense Taken,” John Said Mildly.

I'm Sorry, Heather, But Everything Was Not Just Fine Before I Got Here. You Know How I Know That? Because You're Dead. Okay? You Are Dead. Dead People Don't Have Lockers, Or Best Friends, Or Boyfriends. You Know Why? Because They're Dead.-suze Simon

Look, Mr. Uh, Wulf I Appreciate Your Trying To Warn Me About This, Ireally Do. But There's No Such Thing As Vampires. They're Made-up. We Writers Made Them Up. I'm Sorry We Did Such A Good Job That We Made The Whole World Paranoid, But It's True. They're Fictional. Blame Bram Stoker. He Started It.

And I'm Going To Tell The Truth: I Didn't Like That Sean Penn Movie Into The Wild So Much. Yes! I Know It Was Critically Acclaimed. I Know It Won All These Awards! It's Very Sad That A Boy Is Dead And All. But I Thought The Movie Enchanted, With The Singing Princess And The Chipmunk And The People Dancing In Central Park, Was Cuter. So There!

But I Let It Slide, Because, Hello, Hot Guy.