The Padded Outfits, The Bad Scripts, The

I Can Walk Through A Hotel Lobby And Watch People At The Desk And See What They're Doing. People Don't Look At Me. They Don't Even Know I'm There.

The Hardest Thing In Comedy Is To Have The Biggest Laugh At The End, And It’s The Most Satisfying Thing.

I Know I'm Not Going To Understand Women. I'll Never Understand How You Can Take Boiling Hot Wax, Pour It Onto Your Upper Thigh, Rip The Hair Out By The Root, And Still Be Afraid Of A Spider.

A Recent Survey Stated That The Average Person's Greatest Fear Is Having To Give A Speech In Public. Somehow This Ranked Even Higher Than Death Which Was Third On The List. So, You're Telling Me That At A Funeral, Most People Would Rather Be The Guy In The Coffin Than Have To Stand Up And Give A Eulogy.

I've Been Car Crazy My Whole Life, Since I Was Nine Years Old. It's Just Something I'm Very Aware Of.