The Mayor Of Sochi Is Now Saying

Welcome To The Program. My Name Is Dave Letterman, And Tonight I'm Giving My Two-week Notice.

Mayor De Blasio Said That Whenever He Goes To A Yankee Game He Gets Sick And Tired Of People Booing And Giving Him The Finger. Hey, What Do You Want? You're The Mayor Of New York City. It Comes With The Gig, Pal.

Do Good Things For Other People.

Here's What The Kids Get. They Get Free Mcdonald's And Kentucky Fried Chicken For A Year, And 52 Six-packs Of Pepsi. And I'm Thinking, Well, Actually, It Might Be Healthier If They Were Taking Steroids.

As You Watch The Gary Condit Interview, Three Words Come To Mind: Stiff, Unbending And Impenetrable. And That's Just His Hair.