The Japanese Prime Minister Has Apologized For

Osama Bin Laden... Lived In One House For, Like, Six Years With Three Wives. And Earlier Today, They Ruled His Death Was A Suicide.

You Know You've Had Too Much To Eat For Christmas Dinner When You Slump Down Onto A Beanbag And Realize... There Is No Beanbag.

Last Night The United States Dropped Four 2,000 Pound Bombs On Saddam Hussein. I Don't Know Anything About Explosives, But, My God, Do Those Things Even Need To Explode?

When Martha Gets Out She'll Be Under House Arrest In Her Big $40 Million Mansion In Bedford. Boy, That'll Teach Her. She's Only Allowed Out Of The House For Doctors Visits, Grocery Shopping, Or To Dump More Stock.

It Looks Like President Bush Will Be Handing Over Power To The Iraqis By June 30th. That's Amazing And Not Only That, But It Looks Like He'll Be Handing Over Power To The Democrats By November 2nd.