The Best Way To Ruin A Comedy

President Bush Was In Los Angeles Yesterday Where He Announced His New Campaign Theme - “safer, Stronger, And Tested.” Isn't That A Condom Ad?

According To The L.a. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft Wants To Take "a Harder Stance" On The Death Penalty. What's A Harder Stance On The Death Penalty? We're Already Killing The Guy? How Do You Take A Harder Stance On The Death Penalty? What, Are You Going To Tickle Him First? Give Him Itching Powder? Put A Thumbtack On The Electric Chair?

Herman Cain Told A Group Of Occupy Wall Street Protesters To Go Home, Get A Job, And Get A Life. That's The Republican Version Of Hope And Change, Ladies And Gentlemen.

You're Not Famous Until My Mother Has Heard Of You.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Has Still Not Officially Bowed Out Of This Race. It Looks Like He's Not Gonna Run. But I'll Tell Ya, If Arnold Does Run, He Better Get On The Ballot, Because You Don't Want A Write-in With A Name Like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Because People Will Go - 'schwarz, Schwarz, Oh Davis Is Easier.'