The Best Definition Of An Immortal Is

There's All Sorts Of Things I Was Always Meaning To Get Around To - Learning To Play The Flute, Calculating The Square Root Of Nought, Going Mad - But I Just Didn't Have The Time.

Descartes' Immortal Conclusion Cogito Ergo Sum Was Recently Subjected To Destruction Testing By A Group Of Graduate Researchers At Princeton Led By Professors Montjuic And Lauterbrunnen, And Now Reads, In The Shorter Harvard Orthodoxy: (a) I Think, Therefore I Am; Or (b) Perhaps I Thought, Therefore I Was; But (c) These Days, I Tend To Leave That Side Of Things To My Wife.

Not Only Had He Lost The Only Girl He'd Ever Loved, He'd Lost Her In Duplicate, Like Some Heartbroken But Highly Efficient Civil Servant.

Telling Lies Is A Bit Like Tiling Bathrooms - If You Don't Know How To Do It Properly, It's Best Not To Try.

In Spite Of Really Intense Competition For The Job, I'm Still My Own Worst Enemy.