So, To Say Barack Obama Is Progress

It's Weird With Stand-up Comedy. It Doesn't Really Translate Worldwide. I Want To Figure Out How Do I Make It Worldwide. Do A Special In Africa. Can't Beat That. Pull That Off, Then I Will Have Done Something.

Only Married People Understand You Can Be Miserable And Happy At The Same Time.

I Live In A Neighborhood So Bad That You Can Get Shot While Getting Shot.

So, To Say Obama Is Progress Is Saying That He’s The First Black Person That Is Qualified To Be President. That’s Not Black Progress. That’s White Progress. There’s Been Black People Qualified To Be President For Hundreds Of Years. The Question Is, You Know, My Kids Are Smart, Educated, Beautiful, Polite Children. There Have Been Smart, Educated, Beautiful, Polite Black Children For Hundreds Of Years. The Advantage That My Children Have Is That My Children Are Encountering The Nicest White People That America Has Ever Produced. Let’s Hope America Keeps Producing Nicer White People.

The Only Acting You Ever See At The Oscars Is When People Act Like They’re Not Mad They Lost. Nicole Kidman Was Smiling So Wide, She Should Have Won An Emmy At The Oscars For Her Great Performance. I Was Like, "if You’d Done That In The Movie, You’d Have Won An Oscar, Girl."