Self-pity Shortens Your Life.

I Started My Career In A Town So Small The Local Clinic Was Called Fred's Hospital And Grill.

The Nice Thing About Viagra Is That They Are Proving Men Can Go Blind On It, So You Can Gain Weight And Have A Great Sex Life.

Run Scared ... And They Never Catch You.

The First Time I See A Jogger Smiling, I'll Consider It.

A Child Can Be Taught Not To Do Certain Things, Such As Touch A Hot Stove, Pull Lamps Off Of Tables, And Wake Mommy Before Noon.