Racist Dermatologists Think All Black People Have

I Can Stand By A Tweet. But Comedy Central Said They Couldn't Publicly Support Me, Unless I Deleted It. I Wasn't About To Tell The People Who Work For Me That They Didn't Have Jobs Anymore Because I Wasn't Going To Delete A Stupid Tweet.

Usually The Beginning Of A Story That People Hear A Lot. For Example, "my Girlfriend Is Upset About Her New Haircut" Or "my Dad Keeps Losing His Car Keys." And Then I Just Think Of Different Ways The Story Could End. "my Girlfriend Is Upset About Her New Haircut. I Don't Understand Why She's Crying. I'm The One Who Has To Get A New Girlfriend." Then I Try It Out On Stage. I Don't Do A Lot Of Re-writing. My Jokes Either Work Or They Don't. The Trick Is Just To Write A Ton Of Jokes.

I Prefer To Sleep With Deaf Girls. Those Crazy Chicks Never Have A Safe Word.

I Love Austin, But Last Time I Was In Town For Twelve Hours. I Was Exhausted, Drunk And Miserable. But None Of That Was Austin's Fault.

I Tell Very Mean Jokes.