President Obama Went To India, South Korea,

Every Day Is President's Day When You Have An Intern!

George Clooney Is On The Program Tonight. Next Week At This Time I Will Be In A Hardware Store Watching Them Mix Paint.

Today Would Have Been The Birthday Of Osama Bin Laden. It Makes Me Remember When Seal Team 6 Threw Him A Surprise Party.

Here's What The Kids Get. They Get Free Mcdonald's And Kentucky Fried Chicken For A Year, And 52 Six-packs Of Pepsi. And I'm Thinking, Well, Actually, It Might Be Healthier If They Were Taking Steroids.

I Feel Like Bush Presidencies Are Like "godfather" Films. You Should Stop At Two.