President Bush Spoke With The Amish. He

Today The Secretary Of State Said That Of The 247 Candidates, So Far 115 Of Them Have Been Certified. How Embarrassing Is That? Imagine If You Were Turned Down Because You Didn't Meet The High Standards Set By Larry Flynt And Gallagher.

Bill Clinton Is The Only Ex-president Who Hasn't Planned His Own Funeral. But, In His Defense, In The Past He Has Said He Wants To Be Buried Next To Hillary. I Guess He Figures He Never Slept Next To Her When They Were Alive, Might As Well Try It Now That They're Dead.

According To A British Poll, You've Only Got A One In Five Chance Of Achieving Your Childhood Career Ambition. Which Probably Explains Why You Don't Run Into That Many Cowboys, Princesses, Or Space Rangers.

In The Spirit Of The Olympic Games, They Traditionally Ask That All Fighting And Warfare Around The World Stop. So, There's Hope For A Ceasefire Within The Jackson Family.

It's Cold Out. It's Even Cold In Florida. So Cold Today That Katherine Harris Put On A Third Layer Of Makeup.