Philadelphia, Wonderful Town, Spent A Week There

A Rich Man Is Nothing But A Poor Man With Money.

If I Had My Life To Live Over Again, I'd Live Over A Saloon.

The Funniest Thing About Comedy Is That You Never Know Why People Laugh. I Know What Makes Them Laugh But Trying To Get Your Hands On The Why Of It Is Like Trying To Pick An Eel Out Of A Tub Of Water.

W. C. Fields, A Lifetime Agnostic, Was Discovered Reading A Bible On His Deathbed. ''i'm Looking For A Loop-hole,'' He Explained.

I Have Been In The Entertainment Business Some Forty-three Years, And I Have Never Said Anything Detrimental Or Anything That Might Be Construed As Belittling Any Race Or Religion. I Would Be A Sucker To Do So Because You Can't Insult The Customers.