Pepsi Has A New Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew.

I'm So Excited For My Son. On Christmas Morning I Want To See His Face, To Be There When He Opens The Gifts. I Want The See What My Assistants Got Him For Christmas.

New York Is Great Though. If You?re Here And Want A One Of A Kind Souvenir Be Sure To Take Home The Police Sketch Of Your Assailant.

Here In New York City You Can Now Walk Around Smoking Weed And All They Will Do If They See You Is Write You A Ticket. Unfortunately, The Ticket Will Be To A Jets Game.

John Kerry Went Duck Hunting And He's Doing That To Fulfill His Campaign Pledge To Hunt Down The Ducks And Kill Them Wherever They Are! Kerry Did Pretty Well; He Came Back With Four Ducks And Three Purple Hearts.

You Folks Been Following The Big British Petroleum Oil Spill In The Gulf Of Mexico? I'm Telling You, British Petroleum Has Put More Birds In Oil Than Colonel Sanders.