People Say We Need Royalty. We Have

Halloween Is The Beginning Of The Holiday Shopping Season. That's For Women. The Beginning Of The Holiday Shopping Season For Men Is Christmas Eve.

Here's What The Kids Get. They Get Free Mcdonald's And Kentucky Fried Chicken For A Year, And 52 Six-packs Of Pepsi. And I'm Thinking, Well, Actually, It Might Be Healthier If They Were Taking Steroids.

I Got A Call From My Mom Today, She Says, 'well, David, I See You Didn't Get The 'tonight Show' Again.'

Mitt Romney Has Asked Todd Akin To Step Down. That's Too Bad. Todd Akin Was The Guy To Lead The Republican Party Into The 16th Century.

You Know, Sarah Palin Is The Governor Of Alaska, You Know That. And She's A Lifelong Member Of The National Rifle Association. So Great, Is What I'm Thinking, Another Vice President That Shoots A Drinking Buddy; Just Get Ready.