People Say We Need Royalty. We Have

I Got Some Good News Earlier Today Before The Show. Thanks To Alex Rodriguez, I Am No Longer The Most Overpaid Disappointment In New York City.

We Are Starting To Learn More About Osama Bin Laden. For His Birthday One Year, Somebody Gave Him A $4 Timex. We Know That. He Is Married To The Daughter Of A Guy Named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I Think Her Name Is Tiffany Omar. Insiders Say That The Marriage Is Not Working Out. Apparently They Are Living In Separate Caves.

John Kerry Had Surgery On His Right Shoulder This Week To Repair Some Damage. It Was Pretty Bad, He Had No Feeling. It Was Almost Like He Was A Republican.

The White House Has Announced That They No Longer Recognize Fox As A News Organization, Which Puts Them About Eight Years Behind The Rest Of Us.

Have You Folks Been Following The Controversy With John Kerry And His Service In Vietnam And The Swift Boat Campaign? It All Took Place In Vietnam And Now It Just Won't Go Away. I Was Thinking About This - If John Kerry Had Just Ducked The War Like Everybody Else He Wouldn't Have This Trouble.