Paula Abdul's Really Impatient To Start A

Ivory's The Kind Of Girl Who Gets Drunk And Immediately Starts Slurring. I Have A Lot Of Friends Like That, And I Think It's Because It Makes Me Look 'more Together.

I Look Hot And, Most Of All, Skinny. I Love The Day After Throwing Up. I Felt Like A Feather.

I Wasn’t Like 'oh, I'm Going To Marry 50 Cent...' I Mean, Seriously. But I Did Like Him. He's Very Sweet And Antithetical To What You'd Think Of Him.

Next To Fat Babies, Midgets Are My Favorite Things To Hold. I Love Them So Much, And I Want To Help Them To Do Adult Things Like Drive Cars, Jet-ski, And Lip-synch. I’m In Awe Of Their Little Limbs, Their Large Craniums, And Their Medicine-ball Asses. I Love The Little Baby Steps They Take While Shifting Their Weight From Side To Side, And The Fact That When You Knock One Over Accidentally, He Flails Like A Turtle On Its Back That Can’t Get Up Right Away.

It's Been My Experience That People Who Make Proclamations About Themselves Are Usually The Opposite Of What They Claim To Be.