Parenting Isn't Just Parenting Your Own Child.

Mother Teresa Had A Mustache. Hitler Had A Mustache. Mother Teresa Is Hitler.

Political Audiences Are Not Fun.

I've Got Stuff About Airline Mergers, Which Just Shows That My Stand-up Is Getting More Insane By The Minute.

Whenever Someone Says They Believe The Earth Was Created In 7 Days, I Grab A Fossil And Say, Fossil. And If They Keep Talking, I Throw It Just Over Their Heads.

The Last Person To Get Across That Town In Under Three Hours Was Yelling "the British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!"