Now You See How You Are, The

I Write What I Can. I Think Being Able To Write Like Michael Connelly And Have A Character That Goes From Novel To Novel, Or To Dramatize History Like Vidal Or Ellroy, Or Have An Explosively Inventive Mind Like Bulgakov, Would Be An Incredible Thing. I Don't Have That. I Only Have What I Have.

Sometimes I Would Get Invited To A Party Or To Go Out To Dinner By One Of Them And I Would Decline. Part Of Me Wanted To Go, But Those Kind Of Outings Always Made Me Feel Even More Alienated Than Usual. Hearing Them Talk Made Me Feel Lonely And Hateful At The Same Time. Lonely Because I Didn't Fit In, Never Did. When I Was Reminded, It Hurt. And Hateful Because It Reaffirmed What I Already Knew, That I Was Alone And On The Outside.

I Think Hip-hop Has Definitely Brought The Black Experience To White Kids More Than The Civil Rights Movement Did And More Than Any Teacher's Well-intentioned Lecture On Martin Luther King Did.

I Try To Be Well Informed. I Don't Know How Well I Do All The Time, But I Try Nonetheless.

I Live My Life By The Numbers. Not Only Am I An American, I Am An Americanist.