Now There Are More Overweight People In

In His First Speech As Speaker, Boehner Thanked His Loved Ones - Tobacco Lobbyists, The Oil Companies, The Ceos.

Speaker John Boehner Complained That Barack Obama Ordered The U.s. Military Into Combat In Libya Without Clearly Defining The Mission To The American People And Congress. See, Apparently, You're Only Allowed To Do That When Invading Iraq.

The French Announced Today That They Would Not Help Us Remove Saddam From Iraq. Well Duh! They Didn't Even Help Us Remove Hitler From France.

55% Of All Americans Lose Their Remote Control 5 Times A Week. That Means That They Must See The Same Show For Up To 3-4 Minutes A Time!

Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge Raised Security Alert To A Code Red. Apparently Howard Dean Has Escaped. Did You See Dean's Crazed Speech The Other Night, Yelling? I See Why His Wife Won't Campaign With Him. In Fact, Dean Has A New Slogan: 'aaghhhh.'