Now, For My Younger Viewers Out There,

I'm A Huge News Junkie. I Love What The News Does.

This Is America. I Don't Want A Tomato Picked By A Mexican. I Want It Picked By An American, Then Sliced By A Guatemalan And Served By A Venezuelan In A Spa Where A Chilean Gives Me A Brazilian.

I Can't Prove It, But I Can Say It.

When Meeting Royalty, It Is Very Important, No Matter How Excited You Are, Not To Vomit On Them. Instead, Vomit On The Nearest Commoner.

As Shakespeare Said, There's Nothin' Cooler Than Droppin' The 'g's Off Of Gerunds!