North Korea Has The Same Ability To

We Don't Like Mystery. You Like Mystery, 'cause It's Not A Mystery To You; You Know When You're Gonna Get Laid.

New Rule: Since Our New National Position On Science Is, "screw It, We Prefer Witchcraft," Let's Not Just Retire The Space Shuttle Atlantis. Let's Drive It To One Of The Five Stupidest States And Have The Locals Beat It With Sticks. Putting It In A Museum Is Too Dangerous. Someone Could Steal It, Fly It Into Space And Notice We Revolve Around The Sun.

The People [in The Usa] Are Not Very Well Informed. They Certainly Don`t Know History. They Certainly Are Not Interested In Foreign Affairs Very Much, Unless It Comes Right To Their Doorstep. They All Learn History Through Wars. They Learn Geography Through Wars.

Ted Cruz, Of Course, Was Furious That The Big Storm Back East Shut Down The Government. He Said, 'that My Job!' But You Know, There Is A Big Difference Between Ted Cruz And Snow. Both Are White And Everyone’s Sick Of Them – But Eventually Snow Goes Away.

Eric Holder, Our Attorney General, Says The Mr. Snowden Will Be Brought To Justice. Just As Soon As We Can Find Someone Who Can Track His Calls And Read His Emails.