Nobody Comes To Minnesota To Take Their

The Fashion Industry Isn't Merely Content To Encase My Meaty Flanks In Skintight Denim. Oh, No! That Denim Also Has To Be White, A Color That Attracts Ketchup, Wine, Garlic Aioli, And Any Other Foodstuffs I Might Otherwise Be Able To Enjoy If I Wasn't Wearing Ridiculously Tight Pants.

There's Something Magical About Spending A Sunday Night Watching Real People At A Deli, Then Watching Fake People Pretending To Be Real On Tv, Then Engaging In (arguably) False Interaction With (arguably) Real People On The Internet. Never At Any Prior Point In Time Has This Been Possible.

And I Think I'm An Adrenaline Junkie, And There's Nothing That Will Spike Your Adrenaline More Than Sitting In A Theater And Listen To An Audience React To Something You've Written.

Now '90210' Is Returning With An All-new Cast Of Slightly More Plausible Teens. I'll Be Honest: I Wish The Old Cast Was Back. Ideally, This Spin-off Would Be An Ice Storm-esque Exploration Of The West Beverly Gang's Bleak Adult Lives.

Fact: The New '90210' Is Cooler Than The Old '90210.' It's The Lithe, Streamlined Skipper To The Elder Series' Venerable Barbie. Gone Are The Traditional Parents - They've Been Replaced By A Hipster Mom N' Pop Who Get Busted Necking In The Car.